In Her Eyes
by Shelley421
Summary: It's been years but you still cringe as you remember the painful end to your relationship. You had been inseparable. You loved her. Love her. You saw your life in her eyes. Your nerd. Well, not yours, you remind yourself. Standing here at this crime scene you remember how you fell in love with her when you were still just a stupid teenager. So stupid. God Damn.


Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.

I believe that the rights to the nickname Garbage Pail Gail the Pale Fail go to ChapstickLez from her story _Out With The Old. _It's one of my favourites.

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><p>You never thought you'd see her again. It has been so many years. You were both just kids then. Stupid, stupid kids. Well, you were at least. She was a genius. Your beautiful, genius nerd. No. Not yours. Because you — stupid you –– fucked it up. You let her go. Though, you remind yourself, it would probably be more accurate to say that you drove her away. You ruined it. You had been best friends for years. Her a grades ahead of you; genius that she was. You loved her. You know you did. You weren't quite as messed up back then. Not quite as icy and closed off. You think that you loved her from the moment you met her. It was the first day of high school. You were terrified. Your mom had given you an <em>inspirational<em> pep-talk before pushing you out of the house that morning. And it was inspiring. It inspired fear into your heart because, even as she was speaking at you, you knew that you could never meet her expectation. You knew that you would fail in some way or another.

When you first saw her walking down the hallway, books clutched to her chest, head down, and thick framed glasses slipping off her nose, you felt for stomach clench uncomfortably. You remember that it took you by such surprise that you stopped in your tracks. Leading to your first meeting. You can't help but let your lips quirk up a bit as you think of your first interaction with her. So, you stopped right in your tracks in the hallway and, in a truly stereotypical movie fashion, she walked straight into you and promptly dropped her heavy textbooks on the floor. And your foot. Her head shot up and your eyes met and you could practically feel the blush spreading up to your face. Damn pale skin. She didn't huff. Didn't scold or yell. She simply gave you a little lopsided smile, wiped her hands on her thighs, grasped your slightly clammy hand with her own, and said, "Hi. I'm Holly." And you smiled back. Your first smile of the day.

And that was that. She was the cause of many — well, most to be honest — of your smiles after that. You were inseparable. You both tried to date boys like you were supposed to but it never worked out. You were each other's first priority. No boy could replace your Holly. Your nerd. Your best friend. Your love… She made you happy. She was your family and, over the years, her family became yours as well. She filled the void left in you by you mother's disappointed cool glares and disparaging tone. By you fathers empty stare and his constant comparisons between your golden boy brother and you — Garbage Pail Gail the Pale Fail. Holly didn't make you feel like a failure. She made you feel valuable. Like you deserved to be happy. Like you deserved her.

But, as they say, all good things must comes to an end. This was no exception. You cringe now; thinking of the pain. Still raw after years. High school came to an end for Holly and it was time for her to leave. Of course, you had plans to keep in touch but you — stupid you — fucked it all up. You fucked it up before she even left. She was going to the University of British Columbia. It was her dream school. She was excited. You were dying inside. It was a few days before she left and you were at her house. In her room. You had been spending all of your time together before she left. You knew she would be coming home for the holidays but you still felt like crying. So you did. She held you. She didn't say anything. Just gathered you up in her strong arms and pulled you closer, resting her head on yours as you buried your face in her neck and breathed her in. Committing her warm scent to memory.

You don't remember how long you lay there together. At peace in each other's arms. You don't know what came over you but you remember lifting you head out of her tear dampened neck and leaning back a bit. You just looked at her. Stared into her warm chocolate eyes. And you knew. You knew that you lived to look into those eyes. And you could tell, looking into her eyes, that she lived to look into yours too. So, you leaned in and pressed you lips against hers. You felt alive. Happy. You could have sworn that she felt that way too. But then it was over. And you were being pushed off the bed. Pushed out the room. Pushed down the hallway. Pushed out the door. Pushed out of her live. Your Holly. Not yours anymore. All because you — stupid you — were wrong. You guess she didn't see her life in your eyes after all.

And now here she is. Years later. She is standing in front of you and you can't help but notice how beautiful she is. She's gorgeous. Her glasses changed. Her face less rounded. Different. But still so beautiful. It feels like that first day again as your breath catches and you stop. Stop moving, stop breathing, stop thinking. Because she's here standing in front of you. You want to smile. No. You want to grin and bring her into your arms and never let her go but then you remember. You ruined it. You remember that she doesn't love you. You remember that she doesn't see her life in your eyes. So you do what you have to. You do what you've never done with her before. You bring up your walls. You won't let her see that you missed her. That you are happy to see her. You won't let her see that you love her. That you still see your life when you look into her eyes. You won't let her see your heart. Your heart in all of its sharp and shattered glory. Because she is not yours. Fleetingly, you wonder who's she is. And you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

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><p>Let me know if you want more. It way be a couple weeks though becasue I'm about to start my finals.<p> 


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